It was essential to me that Wolfie go to sleep without a hitch tonight so I thought I'd make sure he was REALLY asleep before putting him in his crib. Keeping babe in arm, I tip-toed and clicked every single light off in the house. I opened the slider to let the cool October air in, poured a glass of wine, and made my way to the big brown easy chair. With his soft music that I play for him every night, I just drank in all his little breaths and sounds. I could tell he was drifting into the land of nod, deeper, and deeper, as his little body became heavier and heavier. I rocked back and fourth and just let him sleep in my arms, cuddled up in a blanket. He even sleep-laughed a couple times.
I sat there, in the dark, in the quiet, and just let my mind drift along and rock-a-byed the baby. I was basking in his baby-ness and little did he know, he was giving me something even more relaxing that a glass of wine or the tight sheets of a freshly made bed. He was giving me tranquility, peace, and balance.
I write this especially because when I look back on my time when he was a baby, and read these journal entries, I want to remind my future self and reassure myself that I truly cherish every little second with my bundle of joy. As often as I can, i try to just BE in the moment and relish his juicy infancy and all the healing effects a baby can bring. As I write this, the lights are still off, my wine has been sipped, and I can go to bed knowing that THAT moment, was my 'reset' button because my heart was as open and for the first time in what feels like weeks I sat. . . just sat. With a million and one things to do, and not doing a damn one of them. I learned a effective mantra yesterday at the Oprah event. . . . to learn to say "I'm done.". Well goodnight. ... I'm done. :)
