Wolfie had another pediatrician appointment today and as always, I walked away feeling better, validated that I'm doing everything okay, and relieved that he is thriving and healthy. It was a simple weigh-in, but I came loaded with a list of questions. . . "Is it okay to have a fan running at night in our room", "he coughs every once in awhile", and "yesterday his poop was green. . .?" . . . and lastly, my question about his fussiness and what I was translating as a lack of interest in "cuddling". I've done tons and tons of research now on what I can summarize the category as being "how can I be the most perfect mom on the planet and raise a genius?". The books, articles, and blogs, often have whimsical feel-good anticdotes about soothing a fussy baby. They discuss in length about the babies' need for feeling like they're in the womb, or needing physical cuddles with mom, or baby massage (yes, baby massage). They painted a picture that I learned today was a bit unrealistic. . . for now anyways. I pictured in my mind watercolor images of perfectly coiffed ladies in flowing night gowns rocking their smiling infant as he "coos" and wraps tendrils of her hair around his tiny little fingers while lovingly gazing into her eyes. My reality was that I was starting to feel like an udder. While I feel a tremendous amount of affection and bonding when I nurse, I started to question if I was just a milk dispenser for the little guy? I told the doctor, "Seems like my baby only is happy when he eats or sleeps, and in between he's throwing a fit while he poops". It was the "in between" cuddle stage that I was feeling like I wasn't succeeding at. She kinda chuckled and looked me straight in the eye and said, "you have an infant in the eating, sleeping, and pooping phase". And there it was. Simple as that. Like in a Looney Toons cartoon, the lightbulb went on. I was already putting unesscesary pressure on my little guy to exceed his developmental stage he was in. When I mentioned the books that talked about cuddling and all the rubbish that I'm supposed to engage in, she said "throw them away". She said, "breastfeeding is his way of cuddling". My heart literally melted. Here I was with an image of what a "cuddle" was supposed to be, and it was right in front of me all along. In that moment I reminded myself that while at times I may FEEL like a dairy farm, I'm much, much, much more to him.
Happy to report that Wolfie is now 11.4 ounces! He's gained two pounds since birth in less than a month. I'm so proud of my little porker.
We had an amazing day today together. After a calming and loving nursing session, we napped in our room. . . NAPPED! I put him in the bassinet and I crawled into bed. It was heaven.
We did several sessions of "Tummy Time", he played with his "friends" in his crib (this is where he is on his back and stares at his stuffed animals, it's heart warming), and even went on a long 40 minute walk outside! I started my book on tape, "Bringing Up Bebe", a book on how well behaved French babies and children are, and their philosophies on raising children. He took a cuddly warm nap on my chest after his afternoon feeding as well, it was heaven!
Pam came over too and helped me put dinner on the table and give Wolfie his dinner. Wolfie LOOOOVED his Auntie Pam. He was literally mush in her arms he was so relaxed, lol.
He had a warm and soothing bath and just loves being in the water. The night was calm and like clockwork, which mommy loves. I was in bed by 11:30!
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